Cupid’s Elixir: The Spice of Life

If you think The Flash is fast, consider this—it takes a mere 0.2 seconds for certain parts of the brain to decide if it perceives someone as attractive or not. We’re hardwired to interpret physical proportions in certain ways. The closer the subject appears to conform with those proportions, the more attractive they appear. Interestingly, these proportions are nearly universal. Studies from around the world show similarities in what we find attractive. And since we equate attractiveness with credibility, trustworthiness and prominence, for anyone wanting to advance their career, make sales or build an audience, it’s rational to work toward achieving these measurements. And yes, winning the battle of inches can even make you more desirable to others. Your physique is literally an aphrodisiac or aphrodesi-uck!

The beauty is that these measurements are different for everybody according to their unique body structure. And it deserves mention that they coincide with the measurements that our bodies need to be healthiest. So whether you believe you magnificently evolved or were created in the image of perfection, everybody can work toward a healthier, more vibrant physique that is perfectly ideal for you. For those interested, I address these measurements, along with natural methods to achieve them in my upcoming book, Resexology™, Rediscovering Health & Intimacy.

Now, how does attractiveness pertain to sexual satisfaction, intimacy and overall health?

Let’s start with an orgasm.

Whenever you orgasm, your glands release a concoction I like to refer to as Cupid’s Elixir. This nectar of the gods is made up of several ingredients: oxytocin, phenylethylamine (PEA), serotonin and dopamine. Oxytocin, the aptly named cuddle & love hormone, plays mischievous tricks on some of the most powerful parts of one’s entire being. Phenylethylamine (PEA) potently stimulates feelings of joy. Serotonin woos you into a hypersexual state and dopamine, the reward hormone, is a potent and addictive mood booster. Whoever you’re with at the time Cupid’s Elixir works its magic is emotionally stamped into your subconscious, leaving you bonded.

Since emotion imprints nearly 100x as effectively as rational thoughts, that bond is extremely strong. It can lead to ecstasy, heartbreak or quite commonly both, and has little to do with how compatible you are for the long haul. True—lust and passion can be extraordinary for a time, but if they don’t lead to longterm commitment, they often leave lovers withering on passion’s dying vine. The same can be said for those who orgasm too frequently. The constant bombardment of Cupid’s Elixir on the neurons and synapses leaves them overloaded, resulting in depression, mood swings, emotional instability and other negative side effects that studies are only recently delving into.

I wanted to dedicate this article to all the joyful lovers and jaded exes. Why? Because at one time, they were one in the same. Keep that in mind when you’re taking the plunge. The one who holds your heart is the one who can hurt you the most. And nothing seems more enamoring than discovering someone intimately for the first time. As Cupid’s Elixir works its way into your soul, it addicts you like an irresistible drug. It’s so potent that couples blatantly overlook red flags and forgo rationality in pursuit of conjoined bliss. But when lust reveals itself as faux-love, it leaves them bitter and empty. Love turn into hate. Trust into feelings of betrayal. There are many things you might want to say and past actions to dredge up in pursuit of peaceful closure. But remember: arguing after a breakup is rarely if ever productive. It simply prolongs the pain and lengthens the healing process. And you’re not the only one dealing with hurt. Your ex-partner will likely feel the same, so don’t be surprised if anger, hurt or jealousy comes your way.

Cupid’s Elixir, especially oxytocin, works on both people according to the amount of orgasms and cuddle time they experienced in the other’s close presence. This is why it’s more difficult to let go of a partner who consistently brings you to ecstasy. And post-relational resentment is generally much stronger between people who had an amazing sex life. So amidst the heartbreak, if you want the fire between you to burn down, stop feeding the flames. Distance yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Get rid of everything that triggers memories, both good and bad. Absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder, but close proximity can cause it to erupt like a volcano!

Caution!

Whether partnered or single, hooked-up or broken-up, virtually everyone has desires that call for satisfaction. For those whose choice “du jour” is internet pornography, keep in mind exactly what you’re bonding with. Some solo playtime has proven to be beneficial for mood, sexual function, heart health and an array of other issues. But research has shown that 10 instances of indulging in pornography imprints in your neuronal/synaptic patterns exactly like you’ve done the real thing. So unless you enjoy cuddling with your computer screen, remember that the actual experience is literally 10x as satisfying as the vicarious one. Quality over quantity is the key to true fulfillment.

What does this prove?

Nothing beats the real thing! That’s great news for couples in healthy, committed relationships. Earlier, I stated that nothing seems more enamoring than discovering someone intimately for the first time. That’s perfectly true, for those who haven’t experienced the joys of lasting, intimate love. So here’s the silver lining in the stormy clouds of passion:  Developing a deeper intimacy with the right partner has been shown to produce the most sexually gratifying orgasms, both in quality and frequency! Furthermore, committed partners enjoy all the health benefits of people who prefer multiple partners. But advantages of being longterm lovebirds includes having fewer risks, increased longevity, decreased stress and a significantly lower incidence of virtually all kinds of illness.

So if the dove next to you makes your heart coo, lean in close and take the time to whisper those three sexy words that cause pulses to race, feathers to flutter, hearts to beat and brings spice to our lives:

“Mild or Hot?” 😉

In good health,

Dr. K

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